Surely, Sam would be more agitated if he knew – really knew – what Castiel was thinking.
But Sam only smiles, gentles Castiel’s anxiety with a flicker of something warm and reassuring. They learned this soon and easily, the non-verbal communication, little touches to each other’s minds. Castiel wants nothing more than to let himself be gentled, but he is afraid.
God help him, but he is afraid.
After purging Jimmy Novak’s broken body of millions of soul-sucking Leviathans, Castiel finds himself without a vessel. Sam Winchester, the always generous younger brother, offers himself up, inviting the angel to possess his body. Of course, Dean is less than thrilled with the idea. Castiel, too, has his reservations, although not about using Sam’s body. Only that the angel’s not-so-platonic feelings about Dean Winchester will soon be discovered.
Our Bodies, Possessed by Light, a novella by obstinatrix, begins as a Sam and Castiel bonding fic, each learning to accept the ebb and flow of silent thoughts, human feelings, wavelengths of celestial intent. After much practice and discipline, they manage to not only communicate through a two-way channel, but switch in and out of consciousness. The way in which the author describes these cranial interchanges – notably a beautiful scene in which Sam must burrow down to the deepest depths of his being to locate a hiding Castiel – is nothing short of delightful. Flickers, nudges, fuzzy bursts of energy, waves of affirmative light are the means of communication for Sam and Cas, who quickly grow accustomed to one another’s presence in a way they never seem to in Supernatural:
“It isn’t that they can’t quite tell where one of them ends and the other begins – Castiel is still very distinctly himself, and Sam is a solid, outside presence, despite their close confinement. But now, whichever one of them has control, Castiel can feel the way Sam’s heart pulls fondly when Dean sings along to Zeppelin in the car, the rush of satisfaction when they chug a vanilla latte and the flicker of pleasure at rain on a sunny afternoon. Sam’s feelings, not Castiel’s, but Castiel feels them all the same, and the implications terrify him.”
And then there’s Dean. Still standoffish towards Castiel for usurping his little brother’s consciousness, he is relieved when his Sammy finally breaks through, thankful to have his brother at the forefront of his own being once again. Because, although Dean is “fundamentally kind of a dick” (great line), he is a caretaker, a nurturer, and never fails to look out for family. But, underneath it all, the older Winchester also longs for the familiar companionship he’s developed with Castiel, his guardian angel. The one that had been living in Jimmy Novak’s meat suit.
Sam soon picks up on these feelings of mutual devotion, confronting Cas about his all-too-human feelings for Dean. Sam, knowing how guilt-ridden and starved for affection his older brother is, encourages Castiel to open up about his feelings. That they two of them finally put an end to all the deception, the repressing of emotions, and start to really get to know each other. This choice comes with complications, however. For although Dean reciprocates Castiel’s affections, he struggles with an ethical dilemma. Dean can, of course, distinguish between whether Cas or Sam is at the forefront of the six-foot-four vessel. But, as he and his angel grow closer, he can’t ignore the fact that the fingertips grazing along the nape of his neck, the warm breath at his ear, the long hair he cards his fingers through is distinctly, well, Sam-ish. And isn’t that just strange.
So Dean and Cas hold off on expressing their physical desires (sort of) as the three of them undertake a desperate hunt for a new vessel. Let’s just say that, once they find one, the payoff is steamy and delicious and oh so worth the wait. Gorgeous writing, the perfect balance of angst and fluff, face-melting smut, and flawless grammar. What more could you ask of a Destiel fic?
This Supernatural fic certainly has multishipper appeal, with carefully restrained relationships between both Dean/Castiel and Sam/Dean alike (although don’t expect much Wincest… it’s not that kind of fic), plus all the Sam/Castiel brotherly bonding. Ultimately, Destiel shippers will take pleasure in the fact that, no matter the meat suit, Dean is in love with Castiel the angel, in all his multidimensional waves. Our Bodies, Possessed by Light is a wonderful meditation on soul mates: how we learn to uncover them, to exercise patience, and that the ones we love always seem to find their way back to us.
Tidbits: Castiel’s terrible tooth brushing, “shirt-buttoning disasters,” and appreciation for Dean’s, erm, packaging (he smells like gunmetal and leather). “I’m going to hell. Again.”
Purged of all his souls, Castiel is a changed being, stronger than an angel and too powerful for Jimmy’s body to contain. Happily, there’s an archangel’s vessel on hand, and he could use fixing, too. Dean isn’t too happy about the idea of his brother acting as a vessel for Castiel, and Sam can guess why, but it isn’t until Castiel gets inside his head and they learn to share the vessel — and their thoughts — that Sam realises Cas is as in love with Dean as Dean is with him. It’s unfortunate that there’s nothing much to be done about it now, but Castiel will get another vessel soon. The Winchesters will make damn sure of that. In the meantime, it’s up to the three of them to establish their own strange accord, and Dean realises more fully than ever that it’s Castiel, and not his vessel, that he loves.